Have you ever had moments during your career transition when you thought or heard someone else say 'I wish somebody had told me [fill in the blank]...before I left the military'? I said this many times when I transitioned and again later when my husband retired from the Army. Around that time, when I began my doctoral research on the military transition, I was surprised to see that my experience was not unique.
Over the years I had countless veteran clients reiterate this sentiment, and I found that one of the greatest transition challenges was navigating into what feels like a career and life black hole. This loss is why I view leaving the military to be more than just a ‘career’ transition; as it is also a life and culture transition.
Why do you feel lost during your military life transition?
Where you once navigated your day-to-day life in a familiar and supportive setting, you now may struggle to relate to or navigate your new environment, work structure, or reason for doing what you do because these foundational components are missing or have become unrecognizable. For many of us, especially career service members, it is a significant loss. In my personal and professional experience, I found that there are different ways in which we can feel lost after leaving the military. Military-transition.org refers to these as “voids”. Perhaps you can relate to some or all of these:
• Lost Sense of Identity
• Loss of Purpose/Mission
• Loss of Community
• Lost Structure/Routine
• Lost Career Path
In the future, I will explore each of these categories. However, today I will focus on the sense of identity loss.
What is military identity and how does the military transition make you feel like you lose it?
There are several studies that define military identity, with variations on the theme. However, it is commonly understood that when we joined the military we gave up part of who we were in exchange for a new affiliation. The person we were was broken down and then built back up, absorbing military value systems and social structures that affect how we identify with others and navigate our world.
While some service members may develop less significant ties to their military roles, the longer we serve, the stronger we tend to develop this identity and social connection to others who share the same social identity (Kleykam, et. al, 2021; Nelson, 2009). Therefore, identity loss is that feeling of losing key parts of your life, who you are, your social connections and culture to which you relate that support your experiences and sense of self.
In their study exploring transitioning service member perspectives on their military identity, Becker et. al (2023) showed that their participants experienced changes across all facets of their life, and these were not limited to their work. This deeply affected their "worldview and values" and there was no difference “between a work self and a personal self" (p.170). This is a key contrast between developing a strong military identity versus the work identities that most of us loosely relate to in the civilian workforce.
During our time in the military, our whole life is encompassed by our standing as service members. We represented the military 24/7; not just during work hours. As part of our indoctrination, we were surrounded by daily representations of our military identities from the uniforms we wore, a common military language, to traditions and norms that we observed and often venerated.
Military families also feel the sting of the identity loss due to the transition.
Military cultural membership is further ingrained when we have families who share this experience and who have also acculturated into this way of life. (Military-Transition.org, 2022; Flohr, 2018). Spousal integration into military culture is also facilitated by programs within the community that help spouses understand military structure, rank, and responsibilities. So, when you transition from military life, your family may also feel a lost sense of identity (Flohr, 2018).
How does the threat to your military identity challenge your career transition experience?
For many of us, being a part of the military community allowed us to feel we were part of something for the first time. Leaving the military challenges this and affects how we see ourselves and relate to our new or impending civilian status. Similarly, a study by Albertson (2019) showed that new veterans were stuck between understanding their place as a ‘veteran’ and their place as a ‘civilian’ and often felt that neither label quite fit.
My own study found that military transitions can be a time of high anxiety that can challenge our coping skills, especially the more we identify with the service (Nelson, 2009). I have seen people during this process delay their planning, reluctant to strategize their transition or to determine who they want to be in their ‘new life’. This is common as it can be hard to know (especially without guidance) what we want to do or be next after we leave the military.
Choosing a new career path can be difficult when your identity is challenged. You may leave the military and may find it difficult to see your own value outside of the military setting. You may feel isolated working and living in a community if their established norms conflict with your values, which can be demoralizing and disorienting (Becker et. al, 2023).
Similarly, differences between social and communication formality experienced within military versus civilian groups can challenge our attempt to integrate into our new communities and the workforce. For instance, my husband tends to call people Sir or Ma’am , used military time and date format, and was perceived to be too direct in his communication style because he answered questions factually without social commentary and focused on getting to the point. Those of us who served know this as the Bottom-Line Up Front (BLUF) communication. While some civilians may appreciate this approach, it may not be well-received and can impact our sense of belonging.
Some of us may feel that not all employer cultures are truly team-oriented in the civilian workforce (Becker et. al, 2023). Not the way we lived it in the military. This can be a difficult adjustment because camaraderie and selflessness is a key characteristic of our military experience. In this way, it can also be a challenge to transition from a more collectivistic sub-culture into a broader and, comparatively, individualistic culture.
How to counteract the impact of a threatened identity during your military career transition?
1. Envision your life as a civilian before transitioning. While this can be difficult when you are still in the service, which continues to reinforce your commitment to your military role, it can be helpful to explore who you want to be beyond that role. Re-evaluate who you are, what you like and dislike about military life, or would like to have present in your life that was not present during your time in the military.
Also consider what would you like to carry with you from your military life and how can you re-create it outside of the military. Focus on this from the perspective of your current values based on your past roles and life experiences. Think about how you would describe yourself, not just professionally, but as a person. Write it all down. Be specific. Over time you can work towards merging these two self-concepts and your sense of belonging.
2. Emotionally process your transition. This is a very important step. Reflect on what your military life experience means to you and what about it has been most important. Meditation and journaling can help. However it is that you gain insight, be sure to write it down and add it to your transition strategy.
3. Consider adding new social connections to your network. Recreate your social associations as you evolve your old identity and incorporate aspects of your new civilian self. Note that I said ‘evolve’, not ‘change’ or ‘disconnect from’. Change is inevitable and often difficult, but if you view yourself as a work in progress (which we all are), you may find it easier to expand into your newly acquired status over time.
Consider what type of community groups interest you that can offer you a sense of belonging? Are there veteran groups with whom you can connect? Also, focus on making non-veteran connections with others who share your interests, as this will facilitate blending your military self with the evolving self (Flack & Kite, 2021). If community engagement is part of your value system, then researching communities that not only have strong career and job opportunities but demonstrate higher-level community engagement can help you choose a ‘homebase’ that fits your values.
4. Work with an accountability partner, be it your spouse, a colleague who has transitioned or is also transitioning, a coach, and/or mentor, even a therapist; someone who can help you plan and implement your assimilation (Albertson, 2019) to civilian life and work. Note that this process is about figuring out a new career and growing into a new lifestyle, life-balance, community, and the way you relate to those closest to you. Include them in this process so that you grow together.
5. Seek opportunities with employers known to have strong team cultures that support your values. This can help you connect with your new environment and begin to shape an added sense of your professional self. Ideally, a work culture that reflects some of your own values will help you feel more integrated into a team and their way of doing business.
6. Explore roles with which you identified in your military specialization. If you don’t plan on continuing in the same career role/specialization (technical expertise), but liked what you did in the service, you can use this influence to find parallel roles that appeal to who you are, what you value, and what you relate to; especially if that role is in a work environment that reflects similar values to those you developed in the military (e.g., law enforcement, military contractors, first responders, human/community services, non-profits, and/or certain technical roles).
7. Start your transition planning early. You will see me reiterate this in the future. Studies have shown the importance of starting this process early. Among other benefits, early planning allows you to start thinking of yourself outside of your military role. The more you put yourself in this frame of mind, the more likely you can start accessing an alternate view of yourself, enabling you to set your expectations accordingly.
8. Involve your spouse in this process, as many spouses excel at this type of planning, and they too have roles within the military community from which they need to adjust. Be sure to take an equal role in this process. Be flexible with yourself and others. And remember that this is your family’s transition too.
What's Next?
As you transition from your military life you will find many factors that affect your transition goals and how you navigate your journey. It is easy to overlook the personal and life elements that have supported you during your service and the absence of which may challenge how you face this experience. Awareness of these factors help to create a pro-active strategy that helps bridge the gap between the life you know and the life you design.
Are you ready to spearhead your transition and design your next chapter? Let’s work together to turn your challenges into opportunities and craft a personalized strategy that accelerates your journey with clear and achievable steps. If you still need to figure out what type of support you need and when to access it, stay tuned and subscribe as I will be sharing more insight on the other aspects of this transition that may help your planning.
If you liked this content, feel free to share it with your network and let me know if there is a transition topic that you would like to read about on my blog page.
Keywords: military identity loss, military career transition, transition from military life to civilian life, leaving the military
References:
Albertson, A. (2019). Relational legacies impacting on veteran transition from military to civilian life: Trajectories of acquisition, loss, and reformulation of a sense of belonging. Illness, Crisis, & Loss, 27(4), 255-273. https://doi.org/10.1177/1054137319834773
Becker, K., Bish, A., McCormack, M., & Abell, D. (2023). Reconceptualizing identities: Veterans' perspectives on career transition challenges. Human Resource Development Quarterly, 34(2), 155-176. https://doi.org/10.1002/hrdq.21472
Flack, M., & Kite, L. (2021) Transition from military to civilian: identity, social connectedness, and veteran wellbeing. PLoS ONE, 16(12). https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0261634.
Flohr, R.K. (2018). Back on the block: Spousal transitional difficulties in military retirement. (Doctoral dissertation, Antioch University). OhioLINK Electronic Theses and Dissertations Center. http://rave.ohiolink.edu/etdc/view?acc_num=antioch1533289590670223
Kleykamp, M., Montgomery, S., Pang, A., & Schrader, K. (2021). Military identity and planning for the transition out of the military.
Military-Transition.Org. (2022). Military to Civilian Transition Challenges. https://www.military-transition.org/challenges.html
Nelson, J. E. (2009). A correlational study investigating the relationship between pre-retirement anxiety and military role identity among separating and retiring members of the United States Army (Order No. 3373469). Available from ProQuest Dissertations & Theses Global. (305163630). Retrieved from https://www.proquest.com/dissertations-theses/correlational-study-investigating-relationship/docview/305163630/se-2
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